As the earth-bound story of Jesus reaches its inevitable conclusion, we find today that all the predictions and promises Jesus has made in the recent past are coming true. He is betrayed, first by Judas, and then by Peter. He is to be handed over for trial and eventual death. Despite his earlier protestations to the contrary, Peter denies Jesus three times, just as was earlier predicted, and he exits the scene Luke builds “weeping bitterly”.
It’s tough to view this event in isolation, knowing with hindsight what happens next, and what occurs with the renewing of Jesus’s relationship with Peter over breakfast on the beach, and that the Church is built with him as its rock. However, let’s try and step inside the situation for a moment.
Peter knew Jesus was the Messiah. For Him to be the Messiah, He had to win. To watch Him lose was to have every certainty of Peter’s existence at that point (and he was a man built on surety) tested to the full. It’s no small wonder he didn’t have the minerals to side with Jesus at that point. As his world crumbled, he sought the path of least resistance, self-preservation, safety, and the opportunity to step back, reassess, perhaps even to find a way of freeing Jesus from the clutches of Rabbinic justice.
And then, it all comes back to him. Jesus said all this would happen. He knew all along. You fell right into the trap that He warned about. And what is to come next? Who knows?
What do we do at the times when our very worst fears about ourselves seem to be realised? When we let God, others and ourselves down in the most painful ways? It’s easy for us to retreat in to flogging ourselves, becoming more and more insular, isolated and self-loathing. Peter had that moment of crushing realisation. I wonder if you have too?
Where do we go from there? It’s common for us, now, to want to rush on into redemption and joy. I hope you are able to do that, to find the loving arms of Jesus open for you. At the same time there’s something important and formative about experiencing our own weakness and limitations. So if there’s a good way of doing it, don’t rush on from weakness, disappointment, anger. I have no doubt that the experiences of Peter at this juncture played a huge role in the minister for the gospel that he was to become. Maybe, somehow, your disappointments can do the same thing.