Author: adminhs

Categories
Disability

On Pain

I can’t concentrate. I’ve not been able to concentrate for a good few weeks now. Every time I move, as well as sometimes when I don’t, several parts of my body hurt at once. Even lying down results in yelps of discomfort. Not fun.

A few months ago I pinned a joint in my shoulder from twisting around the wrong way. It was painful and expensive to ‘fix’. Now that the weather has turned damp and cold, the problem has come back. With it has come pretty constant back and core muscle spasms, shooting nerve pain up and down both of my legs, tight ankles, fairly fixed shoulders, neck pain, stomach spasms and nerve pain in my hips, along with ringing in my ears (a fun one, that) and increased shaking/tremors in my right hand and wrist. Secondary symptoms include grumpiness, irritability, even more tiredness than normal, feelings of weakness and failure as I’ve not been able to be the kind of person  I want to be or, through the evil fallacy of comparing myself to others think I need to be, and a greatly increased appreciation of the joys of Netflix.

If you’ve seen me recently, whether at work or socially, you probably don’t know much of this, even though I have moaned about my shoulder a lot. I’m good at keeping going. I have an over-developed sense of duty I inherited from members of my family. I have a fear of failure a mile long, or longer, which tells me that if I admit to any or all of this, someone somewhere will say that I’m not ‘enough’, that I can’t do my job, which has become somewhat tied in with my identity and so on. I’m a vicar. Christmas is coming. It’s a busy time. All vicars say they’re busy, all the time, but from mid-November onwards, it’s actually legitimately true. My diary is pretty full for the next few weeks.

I know a lot of people who live in similar situations day by day. It’s easy to get so self-absorbed that I can think I’m the only one who experiences this kind of thing. As it’s the International Day of Disabled People today I thought I’d write a nuanced reflection on what it’s like to live with pain.

It’s crap.

Having got the nuanced reflection out of the way, here are a few more thoughts.

I preach a lot about the perfect love of God casting out all fear. It came up yesterday as we were looking at Advent, a time of waiting and preparation for both remembering Jesus’s birth all those years ago and looking forward to the return he promised to make sometime in the future. Please, let it be soon. When we talk about things like fear, hope, trust and so on, it’s very easy for them to become glib, over-used statements, particularly in a society in which feeling pressurised for our faith is usually people daring to question us or call us out for some of the more blatant contradictions and hypocrisies which most people see very clearly in contemporary Christianity. It’s easy to be a Christian in the UK, or most of the Western World. It really is. Christianity was never designed as a project of societal governance. It really wasn’t. Christians are meant to serve, not be served. They are meant to trust and obey, not demand adherence. So, in this country, when the perfect love casts out fear, it means something quite different, I would imagine, to what it might mean to a Church family waiting for, expecting, pain, even death, for the simple reason of being known as a follower of Jesus. All things need to be held in perspective.

That said, here’s a fear I have as my body asserts itself: this pain won’t end before I die.

Here’s another one: how do I talk about joy and hope when I don’t really feel it myself?

Aging with my impairment scares me. It’s not been massive fun so far.

I’ve achieved a lot in my life. Disabled people do that. Loads of them. It’s not that noteworthy.

But it does feel like I’m fighting against a tide a lot of the time. The tide is mostly flowing in the sea of my own mind. I am very sensitive to any sense that people might view me as weaker, different. I hate disappointing people. Especially because of tiredness or impairment-related stuff. I hate it so much that I do it quite often. And so I hate that too. Whether anyone else disables me or not, I quite often disable myself. I think ‘you won’t be able to do that’, or ‘people like you don’t get to do things like that’. I really do. That’s part of my daily internal dialogue. I share it because however many ramps or lifts are put in to make the built environment more accessible, and I’m deeply appreciative of every single one, the biggest battle I face as someone who lives with pain and impairment is to change my own response to it, or allow God to change it for me. It’s been such a part of me and my life and experience that I don’t know what a ‘good’ response or attitude to it is anymore.

But I do know that it hurts. A lot more, recently.

On this International Day of Disabled People, I’m thinking of and praying for all those who aren’t able to moan about their experiences on the internet. All those who aren’t able to articulate requests for understanding, for opportunity. And I’m thankful to a God who considers disablement to be an abomination. A much greater abomination than some of the other things Christians shout about as abominations, of that I am certain. God does not disable people, so why do I, why do you? Why does your Church? Your denomination? Your workplace? If you see it, call it out, root it out, kill it at source.

A time is coming when there’ll be no more pain, no more fear, no more death, no more tears. It really is. It can’t come soon enough. While we wait for it to come, let’s bring closer the time when there is no more disability, no more discrimination. Let’s start with ourselves and choose not to disable or discriminate. And then let’s talk to the people we love, the organisations we work with and for, everyone we possibly can, to make it clear that although pain is a reality of life, there’s no need for it to by feeling like admitting to being in pain is a weakness that dare not speak its name.

I might get into trouble for this.

Categories
Music Uncategorized

Army of Bones – Don’t Be Long (single, released tomorrow, Jan 6th)

I don’t work in PR (unless you think the Church is something of a PR agency) but I sometimes find myself in some funny situations, linked to my previous life as a songwriter and band guy. One such funny situation has led to me helping out Army of Bones, a great new band from Brighton, by writing some press releases for them as they come towards releasing their debut album (quite soon in fact, on March 3rd). I didn’t do the design on this, but I’m pretty chuffed with how it made my words come out.

Army of Bones – EPK – Don’t Be Long (Single)

I’m already pretty sure that their album will be top of the list for me when it comes to the end of 2017. Look out for it.

Categories
Music Reviews Uncategorized

My albums of the year for 2016

2016 was a great year for music. The world and his/her wife seems to be posting lists of favourite albums of the year, so I thought I’d dash out a list. I’m doing this quickly, in no particular order (apart from a couple which I’ll make very obvious). If you want to keep up with what albums I’m liking a lot, I review a lot of them for Drowned in Sound. You can find my list of articles for that fine website by clicking on this sentence. What interests me as I look at my very handy Last FM profile, which tells me how much I’ve listened to each album over the course of the year (or most of them anyway, it doesn’t log vinyl plays, naturally) is that some of my favourite albums are definitely not my most-listened-to. Some albums take only a listen or two to lodge themselves firmly in your memory bank. Others, as I’ve looked back over the past year, have seemed vital at one point or other but not stayed with me. Perhaps a symptom of short attention span on my part, or perhaps a sign that there’s just too much music to be listened to for it to be properly taken in and appreciated. According to the August Last FM, I ‘scrobbled’ all or part of 1109 albums in the last 365 days. Think about that. That’s listening to all or part of just under 3 distinct albums a day, every day for a whole year. Surely that’s not healthy. Music, art, it’s not meant to be so disposable. Apologies to the artists whose creations I have failed to properly spend time with this year.

All that said, there have been some absolute belters this year. I’m not limiting myself to albums released in 2016, just to things I’ve heard and enjoyed this year. Here goes.

Neil Cowley Trio – Spacebound Apes. The undoubted number one album in my household this year. A fantastic piece of work showing everything that is so spectacular and criminally underrated about this wonderful band. Of all the items on this list, this is the one that you should drop everything and check out immediately. It will make your life better. There is not a better live act in the world today. The show at Union Chapel in the autumn was as spellbinding as ever.

Yorkston/Thorne/Khan – Everything Sacred  – a hugely ambitious, emotional, beautifully realised record. Cross-cultural, a multi-textured palette, everything you could possibly hope for. An alt-folk masterpiece.

Losers – How To Ruin Other People’s Futures – One of the most exciting bands in the world finally realises its full potential. A heavy, synth-tastic exploration of desolation.

Brian McSweeney – As the Bluebird – Brian McSweeney, former frontman of Seven Day Jesus and Matthew (the best rock band you’ve never heard (of)) returns with a lovely, folk-leaning record which exhibits his exceptional songwriting and vocal prowess to the full.

Willam Ryan Fritch – New Words For Old Wounds and Ill Tides – It takes a lot to get me in the right place for modern or contemporary classical music, but William Ryan Fritch carries me far away into a place where only this music matters and, really, isn’t that the point of it all?

Motorpsycho – Here Be Monsters – vying with Neil Cowley Trio for the crown of best live act on the planet, Norway’s Motorpsycho returned with what, for them at least, was a somewhat restrained affair. If you don’t know this band, you really should. Each iteration, each release, is so wildly different, creative. Sometimes heavy, sometimes soulful, sometimes introspective, at others entirely unhinged. There isn’t a more interesting band active at the moment. Here’s hoping they continue forever!

House of Heroes – Colors – a concept album that actually remembers to focus on high-quality songcraft. House of Heroes are the band that proves that existing outside of the Christian music ghetto is good for artistic development once and for all. The production and mix here is spot on, too.

Lettuce – Crush – Everyone needs a glorious slice of funk every now and again.

Thrice – To Be Everywhere Is To Be Nowhere – s blistering return. I won’t say return to form. Their form never dipped.

Andy Gullahorn – Fault Lines – The most potent accoustic/singer-songwriter album you could ever hope to hear. These are songs you can believe in, that you can live. I have no idea why Andy Gullahorn isn’t one of the most famous musicians on the planet. This album has been good to and for me this year.

Heron Oblivion – Heron Oblivion – a really satisfying, intensely heavy and challenging listen, harking back to the time when rock music was intelligent first and commercial second.

Lisa Hannigan – At Swim – Lisa Hannigan’s solo output continues to dwarf that of her erstwhile bandmate Damien Rice. She just gets better and better. This album feels like the one where she has worked out who she is and what she wants to sound like. Gorgeous production, a really nice mix, but that would be nothing without stellar songs, which this album has from start to finish.

The Lees of Memory – Unnecessary Evil – This band are vital. This is a fantastic album that passed by virtually unnoticed. John Davis is a gem of a songwriter.

Switchfoot – Where The Light Shines Through – Switchfoot feel comfortable in their own skins these days. This is a glossy, widescreen pop record, but Jon Foreman continues to pen some of the strongest, most biting lyrics in the scene. The band’s talent for allying those poetic challenges with cinematic pop melodies continues unabated.

Sandra McCracken – God’s Highway – Sandra McCracken grows with each release. So much soul, so much depth. Each lyric seems hard-won, to come from the deepest place imaginable. In turn, each collection of her songs become a resource for the hurting, the broken and the seeking.

Matthew Zigenis – Overflow – a creative, original-sounding worship album. I finally found one. These songs could be sung in any Church in the world and  they sound great on this album. Wonders will never cease. (obviously, one has to be creative enough to replace the splendid synth work with, you know, Gladys on the piano or Bob on the guitar if that will truly work, but it could work. Why not try some of these songs in your Church? Go on, I dare you).

Monomyth – Exo – I love this band. They stunned me in front of approximately 5 people in a small village near Milton Keynes in 2015, but I still contend that they should be loved by thousands. Instrumental post-rock, with hammond organs and fabulous moments of utter chaos. It takes some time to get going, but you always know the destination, and when it gets there…Well, there can be barely anything more musically satisfying. What’s not to love?

Albert Af Ekenstam – Ashes – another contender for best singer-songwriter album of the year. There’s a closeness to the vocal placing on this record that just makes the whole thing feel intimate and all the more special. Lovely songs.

David Bazan – Blanco – Some time ago, David Bazan was ranked somewhere in the late 30s (I think) by a noted magazine in a list of the greatest living songwriters. The ones who were above him in that list must be pretty flipping great. Blanco is another example of a master craftsman presenting not just his talent, but the whole of himself, his inner life, his dialogues on matters temporal and spiritual. One can only wish more communicators did their jobs with the consistency and openness that Bazan does. This side-step into synth territory could have been a mis-step, but instead it merely goes to show that whatever the sonic palette, Bazan is a songwriter to be treasured and learned from.

The Seraphim Project  – Journeys and Destinations – To disclose fully, I have friends in this band. If anything, though, that makes me pre-disposed to be harsher in my estimation of this album. So when I say that it is a stunning, emotive piece of post-rock, take it from me that this is one record you don’t want to miss. The bits when it gets loud are great.

New Dog – Teeth Marks – I was sent this album by New Dog (Anar Badalov) completely out of the blue. No idea what to expect. It could have been awful. Fabulously it was not. A hushed, deep, searching acoustic singer-songwriter record of the finest kind. I wish Anar was known and loved by myriad, myriad people. Why don’t you become one such lover of his fine work?

Tigercub – Abstract Figures In the Dark – I saw this band opening for Royal Blood when both acts had released only one single. We all know what happened next for Royal Blood. With this album, Tigercub show that they are destined for the same stratospheric levels of success, if not surpassing that of their Brightonian brethren.

Asylums – Killer Brain Waves –  a really fun, heavy, punky rock record from Southend. Those don’t come along too often

Silver Snakes – Saboteur – This is a heavy, blistering even, intricate and demanding rock record, the kind that is rarely made anymore, it seems. Might be too challenging for some. See what you make of it.

Audrey Assad – Inheritance – Unusually for me, a hymns record slips into my list. This one gets in if for no other reason than for the mind-bendingly good version of Holy, Holy, Holy contained herein. Seriously, even if your faith is long latent, forgotten in childhood, I defy you to listen to that song and remain unmoved.

Espen Eriksen Trio – Never Ending January – aside from Spacebound Apes, this was the jazz trio record I returned to the most this year. It’s understated, but intensely melodic and memorable. A jazz record with hooks you can hum along to. Whatever next

Chris James – Space In the Clouds (EP) – That voice, the one that made Stateless an absolutely crucial Ninja Tune act what seems like many moons ago, it’s back, making its’ first showing on this glorious 5 track opening gambit. The songs give James’s vocal room to breathe, but they also contain enough guts to lead this EP straight to the realms of glory. I’m looking forward very much to a full-length album, hopefully before too long.

So, there we are. What a lot of albums. It’s a diverse list. And I didn’t even mention Radiohead. Hopefully you’ll find something diverting, even something to love, here. 2017 is already looking like a good year. If I might point you in the direction of releases from Army of Bones and Jim Rogers, both forthcoming and undoubtedly worthy of your attention for starters…Have a great 2017, both musical and otherwise.

Did I miss something glaring in my list? Why don’t you let me know? If I had any time I’d make a playlist, but I don’t, so you’ll have to spend some time researching any albums you’ve not heard. Happy hunting!

Categories
Faith

Hope (a New Year Meandering)

I’m not big on resolutions for the start of a new calendar year. Over the last couple, I’ve promised to write on the Church of England lectionary reading every day (lasted a few months) and write a new song every month (managed one for half the months of the year) so it turns out I’m not too good at keeping to what I promise to do. That’s  pretty difficult, humbling thing to admit to.

The end of one year and the beginning of another offers the opportunity for grandiose statements about how great/terrible/abominable the year just ending was and how much better/more hopeful and full of possibility the one to come is. This seems particularly so with 2016 in mind. The combination of seismic political upheaval, the sheer fact that there are myriad celebrities in our aspiration-obsessed culture and therefore more of said celebrities (very sadly) die in any given year (and this will only be more so in the coming years) and the way that we have access to news about virtually everything, all of the time, if we want it, even though we often miss the most important things happening both under our noses and in the forgotten far-reaches of the planet, all of that can combine to make it seem like it’s been a terrible year.

Allied to all of this, it seems to me that I am not a very resilient person. I don’t know about you. You might be. In which case, move on and ignore this paragraph. But the fact remains that, I at least, am learning that I need deeper and deeper wells of resilience that I did not realise would be necessary. How did previous generations deal with, say, the loss of entire families in war, or to diseases like TB, when I can’t cope with not being able to complete my work because my internet connection is intermittent? How are we, for whom, in the West, life expectancy and quality of life is, in the main, longer and better than ever, become so frightened of death, so scared of ‘the other’ that we keep both as far away as possible, when, so we’re told, we have it better than ever before in the whole of human history?

2017 will be a year of change for me. I’ve got a calendar year from midnight to find a new role within the Church of England. Changes of this nature don’t just affect me. They affect my long-suffering wife and our wider family. As I go through the process of applying, if this time is anything like other such junctures in my life, I would not be too surprised to find myself questioning my worth, value, suitability for roles, even though I am trained, qualified, experienced, called, equipped and sent exactly for the kind of roles that I might be looking at in the coming weeks and months. These doubts have assailed me many times and they boil down to two key things: I don’t trust myself, perhaps rightly and, more seriously, I often fail to truly trust God, thinking instead that if I just work harder, longer, better, more sacrificially (those two often seem to equate to the same thing in my head at least) then somehow God will be more pleased with me and therefore elevate me to some kind of ability or situation that would otherwise be beyond me. Working hard is important. Making the most of the gifts we are given is a key facet of the scriptural narrative, but the key, the absolute key, is to know that the heart of those gifts, the giver and effector of them, is God. I have gifts to share with the communities I live in and serve because God gives them to me. I can use or squander them, in partnership (hopefully) with him, but the gifts are given by him. God has brought me to the beginning of 2017 to be someone who points people to Him, who draws people into family and relationship with him, themselves and with other people. I do have to move, to be active, to do ‘the work’, but most of all I have to trust God that when he says he will be with me, when he says he will not leave me, when he says that he will send the Holy Spirit, the Comforter, to support and encourage me, when he promises miracles, transformations, healings, mercy and grace and all of the other things that we’re told are the promises of God: that those things will come to pass if I walk with him, one step after another, faithfully, as faithfully as I can, day by day. It’s not cool, it’s not sexy, it might not win me a platform, or influence, but it will be what I am invited by God to do in this next year.

I’ve been thinking recently that all the words I can use about God, Church, Faith, and what all of those things are and mean (all of which change on a daily basis) pale into insignificance when placed next to the Word, the coming of Jesus, who was both God and man, into the world that first Christmas time. He is who we need to get to know, to follow, to mimic even, as 2017 dawns. Not just by learning about him, talking about him, what he might think about certain issues, political parties or societal changes, but actually take him at his word that when he said that he would be with us to the end of the age (this one we’re in now) if we asked him to be, that he actually would be and that one of the main tasks, if not the main one, of the Christian life is some form of commitment to actually working out what that relationship of closeness might mean for us, both individually, as Church families and as the whole Church. If we got to know Jesus, what might we see? What might he invite us to do? What might he actually want to do for us, give to us, so that we might pass on the gift to others this year?

So, don’t fall for slogans, or long paragraphs like mine, this new year. Don’t rely on blogs, books, memes, videos on Facebook or even the Huffington Post to tell you what to think this new year. Don’t mindlessly retweet. Even more, don’t beligerently retweet. If you have questions, doubts, fears, if you’re looking for a reason to be hopeful, a reason to be cheerful (part 2017) this new year, then you actually, actually, actually, you actually can do no better than to silence all the words, all the screens, all the arguments, and invite Jesus, the only Word truly worth hearing and listening to, to be live with you, in you, through you and for you this coming year.

You might think this blog, therefore, is a waste of time, shouting into a void, obsolete. Well, yes, maybe, but these are the kinds of words I needed to hear at the end of 2016 and the start of 2017. So I wrote them to myself. What would the Church be like if I, if we, chose to prioritise the things that Jesus chose to prioritise? He gave a priority to love (of God and people), a priority to the poor, a priority to prayer, a priority to telling people about the kingdom of God through sharing stories they could relate to and a priority to building teams of people who could partner with him in his work. Wouldn’t it be great if I lived with these priorities? What could change? What could happen? What mountains might be moved if we joined together in living this way?

Let’s find out in the year to come

Categories
A Song A Month

An End-Of-Year A Song A Month Binge!

Posts in my A Song A Month Series have been thin on the ground in recent times. A combination of pressure of work/life and a consequent lack of time to allow any kind of inspiration to ferment resulted in a lack of songs. Sorry good people of the internet. But lo, what tidings I bring of good news. Not one, not two, but three songs I offer to you on this final day of 2016. Showing therefore that I actually managed to complete a reasonable song every two months this year. Pete and I were also late recording the videos as he has been somewhat busy focusing on being a father for the first time to Alex. Congratulations to him and his wife Lilian. They are a beautiful family.

August’s offering (I actually did write it in August) is called Dance of Love. This is about the search that many of us undertake for meaning and purpose and how hard it is to find, often. The song pivots on the chorus, a kind of yearning offer of gift, verging on lament, from God, inviting me/us to join him in the ‘dance of love’. I love the idea of God dancing with us, especially as my dancing is pretty naff.

In September I wrote Crucify, a song which is quite confrontational. I hesitate to say controversial, as I doubt enough people will hear it to elevate it to such dizzy heights. It’s about challenging Christians to stop petty internal squabbles about things that only matter to Christians and get on instead with doing what we were called to do, shining the light of God into the world, standing out as people of faith. We do so by humility, rather than power, serving rather than being served, rejoicing in the right kind of weakness rather than seeking to make ourselves as strong or influential as possible.* I continue to be less and less convinced that God needs me to be influential or inspiring. I think his desire is that I am faithful and live in ways that just, merciful and humble.

In November, I wrote What You Do. Or should I say I finished What You Do. The verses of this song are from a song that my first band Freeslave, worked on way back in 2006. The song never saw the light of day, because the band finished. I’ve always liked the verses, but I felt like the rest of the song needed something a little different. One day last month I sat at the piano that you see in all these videos and it all flowed out. Here’s what flowed out.

I hope you’ve enjoyed these songs and the other tracks that have emerged this year. I’m pleased that I’ve started writing songs again and I’m looking forward to seeing what comes next. Perhaps a new recording from me in 2017….Stranger things have happened.

Thanks to Pete Thorn for all his help with these songs and videos this year. He’s one of the best friends any guy could ask for.

*in my opinion

Categories
Faith

Talk Text: Carol Services 2016: John 1:1-14

As the Christmas season has rolled into view, I’ve had the great joy and privilege of leading and preaching at a variety of services and events. For the Emmanuel Carol Service and the Northamptonshire County Council Staff Carol Service I used variations on this talk. As quite a few people have said that they found it (variously) helpful, challenging and encouraging, I thought I’d reproduce it here. 

If Jesus hadn’t been born, would we still celebrate Christmas? This is the key question I was asked by a child in year one of a local school last week. What do you say when you’re asked a question like that? Of course, it’s an easy one to answer, without the birth of Jesus, Christmas wouldn’t happen, the Mass, the remembering of his birth, it wouldn’t be happening. We wouldn’t have all these carols (beautifully led this evening by the musicians, thank you guys). We wouldn’t have the Bible readings to listen to, glorious, well-known words to many of us that tell the story of the birth of a Saviour which was more fraught with uncertainty than it sounds when you’ve heard it for most of the Christmasses you can remember. We wouldn’t have turkey or the veggie equivalent, we wouldn’t have presents, a special reason to spend time with people at this time of year. 
 
Nor would we have the hope that now, today, God has made a way for the world to be more fair, more just, more honouring to him and his ways of doing things. .
 
However, before we get too despondent, good news: Jesus was born. The word of God was not just spoken into the world, it came alive and is still alive today. Jesus is that word, as we’ll hear in our final reading shortly. He’d been there at the beginning of all time, everything was created through him, he had a hand in it all. 
 
Later in his life, Jesus would continually frustrate those who he spoke to by emphasising God’s priority for those in the community who are poor. So did the early Church which followed in his wake, and so must we. God calls us, his people, to be the ones who live in a different way, acting justly, loving mercy and walking in humility with him. We do it not because doing good things makes sense (although it does). We do it because the Word of God came into the world full of grace and full of truth, and his word was that the world would never be the same again
 
When a word is spoken, written, signed or communicated in any kind of way, it demands a response. We don’t use words (most of us at least) for the sake of it, shouting into a void. We speak because we want people to hear us, to respond to us, to relate to us and what we’re saying. It’s the same with Jesus, the word of God to the world when he was born that first Christmas day, and the word of God to the world today. What is that word? It is life, hope, transformation, salvation, being given new eyes to see the part of the world that we live and love and serve in through the eyes of God and with the opportunity to make the priorities of his coming kingdom and way of life ours, too. Are we watching? Are we listening?
We live in a world which feels like it is waiting for something to happen. It’s a world which is searching for a better way, someone or something to change things. It feels like a time has come when the old order of things is passing away. In politics, the rise of the right is making things look very different. In our world of swiping from post to post on Facebook, of instant gratification of a like or a retweet, or of the need to respond immediately to everything that happens, it’s hard for us ever to be truly satisfied, trusting, at rest. Many of us see things that happen all over the world on our screens, or in our newspapers, all day every day. We can become anaesthetised to the enormity of it all. It’s hard to know what is truly important, crucial in the midst of the sheer quantity or volume of things that are offered to us for our response, our entertainment. Workloads seem heavier than ever, needing to be completed quicker than ever, and in the midst of it, it’s easier, it seems to be swamped in the dark and the chaos and let it all happen, than to pick out the light, the one true light, which came into the world to save sinners, all of us, and give us the opportunity of life, now and forever as children of God.
 
We’ll be hearing John 1:1-14 in just a few minutes. Again, we’ll be reminded that Jesus, the word of God, has spoken, transformed the world and wants us to hear, recognise and welcome him into our hearts this Christmas. Take the few moments of that reading to ask God to make his home in your heart again this Christmas time.
 
So, no, if Jesus hadn’t been born, we wouldn’t be celebrating Christmas this coming week, but, truly, thank God that he was. We have hope, for ourselves, for our Church, for the whole world. We have a story to tell, we have a story of grace, mercy and peace to be part of, to live out and share with the world, that everyone we meet might see the true light of the world shining out from us. The light shines, let’s show it to as many people as we can. Let’s be hearers, doers and speakers of the word of God this Christmas.
 
Amen.
Categories
Faith

Talk Text: December 4th 2016 – Isaiah 11:1-10, Matthew 3:1-12 – Repent and Turn to God, the Kingdom Of Heaven Is Close At Hand

These notes formed the basis of my sermon at Emmanuel, Northampton on December 4th 2016. The passages I referred to primarily were Isaiah 11:1-10 and Matthew 3:1-12. 

‘Repent of your sins and turn to God, for the kingdom of heaven is close at hand’

Funny, as I’m preparing this sermon I’m thinking about the times in our society now that we might hear these words. Perhaps you, like me, have been on Abington Street in town of an afternoon, and heard a preacher loudly shouting these words. I wonder, do you stop and listen? I have to admit there have been lots of times when I’ve heard people preaching, using ‘Bible’ language, words like repent and sin and so on, where I’ve crossed over on to the other side of the road, actually been ashamed of fellow believers, brothers and sisters in Christ, because of their methods of evangelism and the force which they often deliver their message. To be blunt, it’s just not cricket. It’s not cool, I think to myself. I spend a lot of time trying to build relationships with people, to get to know them, to find out about them and their stories and to draw them into a relationship with God, and his Church. A foghorn on Abington Street just doesn’t help my method, or a message of inclusion, togetherness and so on. Sometimes, and I probably shouldn’t admit this, I just wish people like this would shut up and leave me to get on with my day. And I’m a minister. Imagine what it’s like for everyone else.

But that’s the thing, these people, these voices in the wilderness, they just keep going, because they have a calling, they’re certain that they need to tell people about the fact that Jesus is coming, and that this matters. My annoyance that, quite often, in the midst of my sadness about the way they’ve chosen to communicate, I feel my conscience being pricked, I feel a prompting in my heart, in my spirit, to do exactly as they suggest and to ‘turn back to God, for the kingdom of heaven is close at hand’, well that is only part of the story. I don’t want to be reminded that, at times, I don’t live, or look, much like someone who follows Jesus. I don’t want to be challenged about the choices I make, about whether they help or don’t help the growing of God’s kingdom here on Earth. I have my freedom, and I don’t want someone, particularly if they look and sound like they’ve been in the wilderness for a long time, making any kind of suggestion about how I should use that freedom.

I wonder if that’s what it was like for people who heard John the Baptist. He was confrontational. ‘Repent’ he said, that meant that he thought the people he was speaking to needed to change how they were living, the direction they were facing, the direction they were moving in. They needed to turn to God, because the kingdom of heaven was close at hand. One was coming who was greater than he, he wasn’t worthy to untie his shoes. I suppose these days it might be Converse.

People didn’t like what they heard. Matthew says that it was the Pharisees (they would later be people that Jesus often clashed with, of course) who challenged John and were called, subtly I always think, a brood of vipers. No something you want to be called, I think you’d agree. They’re challenged to prove by how they live that they have repented of their sins. Jesus is coming and he will sort the wheat from the chaff, the good from the bad. He will see, he will know and he will judge entirely fairly. Words and piety won’t cut it. It’s motives and actions that will be the measure of whether repentance has happened. Does that challenge you? It challenges me.

We heard about Jesus-Shaped People this week. It was exciting. You’ll be hearing more about it in the coming weeks and months. We’ll be learning about what some of Jesus’s key priorities were and how we can apply them to the life of our Church. One of the key themes we talked about on Wednesday night was about being prophetic, speaking truth to power, challenging evil.

If we’re going to do that, it starts with us. It’s a hard thing to say, but sin, things which turn us away from God, it is evil. Sin is evil. Sins are evil. It doesn’t mean we are evil if we do sin, but we have to bear in mind that to live in a way which is not God’s way is a serious problem, one that needs dealing with. We can’t just challenge the evil we see around us. We have to challenge anything in ourselves which is not Godly, and invite Jesus to judge us fairly, as our readings this morning promises us that he will do. We’ve been reminded again this morning of the forgiveness which is ours because Jesus won it for us on the cross. That doesn’t mean we can carry on living in the way we did before we knew about his offer of forgiveness though. We need to invite Jesus to live in us, individually and as a whole Church, so that he can give us the strength, wisdom and courage to live his way.

Our job is to prepare the way for the Lord, to clear the road for his coming (as people did as he entered Jerusalem on Palm Sunday later in his story). To do that, we need to make a continuing commitment as a Church family to turn towards Jesus, to let him bless the things we do and are that are of him and to challenge us on the things that we do and are that may not be.

Are we willing to repent and return to God? The kingdom of heaven is close at hand. Jesus is coming, not just in our annual remembering of his birth as a baby on that glorious first Christmas day, but he is coming back, to, to judge the living and the dead, to rule in a kingdom where ‘The wolf shall live with the lamb, the leopard shall lie down with the kid, the calf and the lion and the fatling together, and a little child shall lead them.’ He will rule in peace and with fairness when his time comes and we have been offered the chance to live with him, forever. Let’s make sure that we’re facing towards him, worshipping him as the one who offers us the only true route to life and hope, and living his way this Christmas time.

And so, it turns out that those preachers on Abington Street are right after all. Not only that, but we are called to shout, with how we live our lives, as well as with our voices if God calls us to, ‘Repent of your sins and turn to God, for the kingdom of heaven is close at hand’

Amen

Categories
News

An Update: Where Have I Been?

So, it’s been a while. Are we all well? I haven’t posted anything here for a period of time which begins to look somewhat negligent. What have I been up to? Here’s a short update:

I appeared on Friday Night Theology at the end of September with a post about Football and Treasure. Read it here.

I’ve been writing a few music reviews for Drowned in Sound. You can see what I’ve been up to there by clicking on this sentence.

The blog post I put here a few months ago about the wedding of my friends Matt and Ruth has been on something of a journey. It was presented at a conference at The Vatican called Living Fully, and is now to appear in a forthcoming issue of the Journal of Disability & Religion, which is great. This journal is the arena in which most of the most current discussion of theology and disability takes place. I’m pretty honoured to be featured in such a publication.

There are exciting developments in the conversation in the Church of England regarding leadership and people with impairments and disabilities, particularly after a recent breakthrough at General Synod, brought about at least in part by some sterling work and impressive speeches from several colleagues in ministry. It feels like a time for change is coming. It’s a real joy to be part of the Disability Task Group, led by Roy McCloughry and featuring some of the finest people in this field (and me). A lot of things happen behind the scenes, in the quiet, out of the public eye, but things are happening. It’s exciting.

I’ve been away from my regular role as Curate at Emmanuel Church for the last month or so. Instead, I’ve been privileged to have a placement with the Chaplaincy Team at St Andrews Healthcare. I could write so much about being there. Suffice to say that I have a newfound and developing passion for the place of what is commonly called Sector Ministry. I’m so thankful to the team there for welcoming me so warmly, and for my colleagues at Emmanuel for releasing me for this time.

I’ve also written a few songs. Sorry for the breakdown in my A Song A Month plan. The tracks will appear soon. Earnest discussions are taking place about what to do with them all…

So, that’s your update for now. I don’t think I’ve missed anything, but perhaps I have. More soon!

Categories
Faith

Talk Text: September 11th 2016: James 1

This past Sunday I preached on James 1 at the evening service at our Church. Our housegroups are studying the book this term. Here are my notes from that sermon.

Themes in James

  • Key Points for this evening – James 1.
  1. God wants to gift us wisdom, insight and knowledge. All we have to do is ask him and trust. We will receive it.
  2. God blesses those who patiently endure, who persist, who make worshipping him and telling people about him the main thing.
  3. If we call ourselves people who are religious, who have faith, we have to prioritise serving the poor, those who are sick, the widow and the orphan.
  • James is the brother of Jesus (probably). Think about how it was for him to grow up in the family. A simple family of lay people – the story of the birth of his brother etc, then one day Jesus gets up in the temple and preaches on Isaiah 61:1-4’today this is fulfilled in your hearing’. But it’s your brother. Remember later in the gospel accounts, the family of Jesus try and silence him. They think he will get himself killed. But by the time of the controversy in Acts 15 about whether the Church should accept non-Jewish believers, James sides with Paul and says that no-one should be excluded (19). That’s a miracle! James’s letter is a careful one, making it pretty clear that it is trust in God that is central to faith and life. We’re not to rely on ourselves, our own wisdom, our own strength, our own wealth, we are to trust solely on God.
  • He’s writing to a Church under pressure. Dispersed by persecution etc. Similar to us today, not all Christians in one place. 

Themes in James 

  • 2 Dear brothers and sisters,[a] when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. 3 For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. 4 So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.
  • The purpose of testing – ‘the testing of your faith produces perseverance’. Testing/trials have a purpose. It’s hard to get excited about them (just being honest), but we’re told to ‘consider it pure joy’ when trials of many kinds come. Because of the perseverance that they produce. I find it interesting then that perseverance is seen as something which is at work in us, enabling us to keep going, almost like it should have a capital P. We become mature and complete when we allow it to finish its work. This is quite interesting I think. If we strive too hard, if we push on ahead, trying to make things happen in our own strength, in our own way, then we actually run the risk of not allowing maturity and completeness to come in the way that it is supposed to.
  • 5-8. 5 If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking. 6 But when you ask him, be sure that your faith is in God alone. Do not waver, for a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed by the wind. 7 Such people should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. 8 Their loyalty is divided between God and the world, and they are unstable in everything they do.
  • We can’t be who we are designed to be without wisdom.  What James is talking about here is  sofia (insight, skill,intelligence). What I think James is getting at here is not that we all end up needing to be part of MENSA or that only people with brains the size of planets can understand God. Far from it. He is saying that the knowledge, the insight, the know-how we need for how to live for God, to love him, to serve him, in a world which can make it seem very difficult to be a Christian, that’s something that we need to ask God for, not to seek within ourselves. Wisdom is a gift from God. The word used for the way God gives it to people is haploce (generously, bountifully without reproach). All we have to do is ask for it, and trust God. And we will receive it. Our culture can make it seem like if you’ve had a great education (perhaps a Grammar School education, but we shouldn’t go there! you are of a higher worth than someone who hasn’t. If you got 74 A Levels and 5 degrees, you’re worth more to society than someone who left school at 14 and worked hard their whole life. This.Is.Not.True. I’ll say it again. This.Is.Not.True. I’ve been fortunate enough to be trained in Church leadership stuff for 5 years, with a lot of what I have done having been quite academically heavy, but if I don’t ask God for his wisdom, trust him and let him gift it to me, then I am lost. When you’re under pressure, it’s not your degree that saves you, it’s the power of God,
  • The trusting is important though! Without trust, we’re like people blowing in the wind or rolling on the sea, we’re double minded, or confused in all we do. If we can learn to trust God, to seek him first, to acknowledge him in all our ways and lean on him, not our own understanding, we are able to see something of the kind of life of faith, the life of abundant generosity, that can be ours. We miss it sometimes, trying to understand without seeking God’s wisdom.
  • 9-11 – 9 Believers who are[b] poor have something to boast about, for God has honored them. 10 And those who are rich should boast that God has humbled them. They will fade away like a little flower in the field. 11 The hot sun rises and the grass withers; the little flower droops and falls, and its beauty fades away. In the same way, the rich will fade away with all of their achievements.
  • Don’t chase wealth. Only the poor, the humble, can boast. Wealth brings more problems than it solves. Don’t you just wish sometimes that we all had more money? Or that the Church had more money? Or that we didn’t need to worry so much about all the stuff to do with money that seems to dominate so much of our lives these days? We’re conditioned to want more. We’re not conditioned to commit to contentment. Some of us in the room tonight are poor, we do lack, but as a whole body, as a whole Church, we have enough. Sometimes we just need to share our resources, our energy, our gifts, our talents, our food, more amongst ourselves. I say this to myself. I like comfort, I like stuff. I like not worrying about money. James says God has blessed the poor. Jesus says the poor will always be with us, that the poor in spirit, the meek, have the kingdom, that they will inherit the earth. God has a preference for the poor. What we do, how we think, it needs to reflect that.
  • 12-18. – 12 God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. 13 And remember, when you are being tempted, do not say, “God is tempting me.” God is never tempted to do wrong,[c] and he never tempts anyone else. 14 Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away. 15 These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death. 
16 So don’t be misled, my dear brothers and sisters. 17 Whatever is good and perfect is a gift coming down to us from God our Father, who created all the lights in the heavens.[d] He never changes or casts a shifting shadow.[e] 18 He chose to give birth to us by giving us his true word. And we, out of all creation, became his prized possession.[f]

  • Are we willing to endure patiently – hoop-om-eno, to persevere? To bear up against? It’s not so glamorous is it, but persistence and consistency are key themes in the Christian life. We have to keep going. Together. We have to keep the main thing the main thing, to keep our eyes fixed on worshipping Jesus and introducing people to him. That’s what God blesses. He blesses those who aren’t distracted into seeing shiny new things and ways of dong things round every corner. He blesses those who come to him for wisdom, who trust him with their lives, and then who keep on doing it, and keep on doing it, and keep on doing it, whatever comes, whatever trials, whatever opportunities. It might sound boring to those of us, like me, who are attracted by shiny, by new, but it’s the thing that gets you that, ‘welcome home, good and faithful servant’ at the end of it all. It’s what this life is all about.
  • Don’t be misled, God is never tempted to do wrong, or to ask us to. If we feel tempted to do wrong, it comes from us, from our own desires and leads to sin. We can’t get out of it easily by blaming God when we find ourselves having done the wrong things. God is not at fault, we are, but there is hope. Good, perfect gifts are given to us from God. I’m not talking about that new car we want, or a nice new job, even though those things can be very important to us at times. I’m talking about the things that last, the things that endure, life, breath, hope, we are the prized possessions of God. He gave us his true word, the word of life, Jesus. That’s a pretty big deal. God never changes. Never
  • V19- 
  • 19 Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. 20 Human anger[g] does not produce the righteousness[h] God desires. 21 So get rid of all the filth and evil in your lives, and humbly accept the word God has planted in your hearts, for it has the power to save your souls.
  • 22 But don’t just listen to God’s word. You must do what it says. Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves. 23 For if you listen to the word and don’t obey, it is like glancing at your face in a mirror. 24 You see yourself, walk away, and forget what you look like. 25 But if you look carefully into the perfect law that sets you free, and if you do what it says and don’t forget what you heard, then God will bless you for doing it.
  • 26 If you claim to be religious but don’t control your tongue, you are fooling yourself, and your religion is worthless. 27 Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you.
  • I like to talk, most of you know this. A lot of you have been on the end of one of my rants. Sorry about that. I’m wanting to learn to be quicker to listen, slower to speak. Not just to each of you, but to God too. We’re in a period where we especially need to be listening to God. Are we on his path, doing things his way? I think so. I think our priorities are right and good. Love God with everything we have, love our neighbours, our communities, and love ourselves. We are actually doing pretty well. The end of our passage tonight says that true religions which pleases God cares for orphans and widows in their distress. it puts the poor, the struggling, the sick, those in need, those who don’t have a place, or who society doesn’t value, it puts them first. 
  • We control our tongues, we speak well of one another, we bless with what we say, we don’t put people down, or insult, or attack.
  • We don’t let the world corrupt us…This is about priorities again, about money, about where we put our trust, our confidence. Is it anywhere but in God? Then it’s in the wrong place. Are we trusting God? Then we’re on the right track.
  • We need each other. We, Phil and I, the great people we have who lead services, preach, play music, people who serve our congregations in a whole variety of ways, we need God, we need each other, and we need to accept that we’re loved and precious too. As Phil said last week, we’re all in this together. All of us in this room, we are prized possessions of God’s. 
  • So, as we close, some questions and challenges….What’s your favourite thing? To God, you’re more important than even the most important possession that you just thought of, that thing, or person that you cherish. You might not be able to believe that, or think that that’s a key part of this passage tonight, but as I’ve prepared, I’ve felt God say to me that there are people here tonight who need to receive the gift of wisdom, wisdom to know that they are his prized possession, that he will not let go of you. 
  • Secondly, are we willing to put our trust, our confidence in God? It’s a hard one. Voices in our heads say we need to worry, to focus on other things, but God is where there is life, hope, a future, possibility. Let’s put our trust in him, together, as we move forward in to the future, wherever that may lead, remembering his faithfulness to us in the (very recent) past, and expecting it in the future.
  • Thirdly and lastly, let’s work together to find ways to serve those who are struggling this week. If you are, receive prayer before you go tonight. If you know someone who is, pray for them this week, with them if you can. If people are short of food, share some of yours. If people are short of money,or clothes, share some of yours. If someone lacks confidence, but you know that they are precious, valuable, tell them. Give generously, as God as been so generous to us. He’s given us his wisdom to see how great he is, how valuable the people he has made his prized possessions are. Let’s worship him now, and with our lives this week.

Amen

Categories
Disability

Things You Learn Lying On the Bathroom Floor

This blog is also forming the basis of a piece I’ve been asked to write for this weekend’s event at the Vatican, Living Fully 2016. This looks like being a fantastic event. I’m sad not to be attending, but very happy to be able to offer this contribution to the discussion and debate. 

Things You Learn Lying On the Bathroom Floor

Recently, I was enormously privileged to be asked to both preach and act as a co-best man for two dear friends of mine, Matt and Ruth. This happy event took place towards the end of a period of seemingly frenzied activity in the life of the Churches in which I am Assistant Curate, The Emmanuel Group in Northampton. I was nervous before I spoke. There’s so much that one wants to say in a wedding address, particularly for close friends. Fortunately, I managed to strike the balance between providing a warm up for the best man’s speech later that evening and speaking words of love, truth and blessing to Matt and Ruth from God as they began their married life together.

Prior to that day, the week had contained several other events which had been noteworthy. A couple of apparently serious incidents involving people in the life of our Church community provided both opportunities for exercising ministry and opportunities to take on more worry and tension than I perhaps should have done. In the same week, I found myself praying for the new Mayor of Northampton, Cllr Christopher Malpas, as he began his term of office by inviting me to be his chaplain. I can tell you that these events are not normal in the course of my life and work. What is normal? And why might I begin a piece about disability, fear and leadership by talking about things which to other ministers might seem fairly normal, even mundane?

Let’s return to Saturday night. It’s around 10pm, the wedding is starting to wind down and I’m laughing at another joke from a friend I see far from often enough. And then it happens. I feel a tightness around my core, the muscle group that stretches around the middle of my body. I know what’s coming. Fortunately,  I manage to attract my wife’s attention before I am unable to speak, and she propels me along to the bathroom, which is mercifully vacant. As the door closes, wave upon wave of spasm hits me and I am doubled over in agony. I can’t breathe. I can’t speak, except in groans and to say the most important word I can think of at that moment: ‘sorry’. I’m sorry to my wife that she has to see this, to deal with it. I’m sorry that I nearly had an ‘episode’ in a very public place. I’m sorry that my body is out of control. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.

In short order, I’m lying flat on the bathroom floor and, in the cold light of day a few days later, I’m not ashamed to say that I am whimpering. I am scared. What if it doesn’t stop? It did last time, a year and a half ago, when an over-busy Christmas period ended with me on my parent’s lounge floor putting a dampener on the beginning of our Christmas celebrations. It did immediately after I arrived home from playing a show with my band (in a former life!) in Trafalgar Square to (I’m told) 10,000 people, but what if it doesn’t this time?

Fortunately, it did pass. I was able to re-enter the fray of the wedding before too long and have spent most of this last week recovering my equilibrium. But there were a few moments lying there on that bathroom floor, and I say this advisedly and without seeking to overly dramatise the event, where my life, and my immediate future, flashed before my eyes.

During those moments, convinced that my body was letting me down, I decided that there was no way I would be able to undertake in future the functions of the priestly role. What use would I be to people if, when under a modicum of stress, my body decides to stop allowing me to work?  From there I find myself in a cycle of reflection. What is the priesthood about? Does it require bodies and minds to be of a suitable consistent standard to be acceptable to God and deemed as priestly? Leviticus 21, particularly vv16-c20 has the potential in thought processes such as these to be a source of terror and a weapon of tyranny.

The Lord said to Moses, “Say to Aaron: ‘For the generations to come none of your descendants who has a defect may come near to offer the food of his God. No man who has any defect may come near: no man who is blind or lame, disfigured or deformed; no man with a crippled foot or hand, or who is a hunchback or a dwarf, or who has any eye defect, or who has festering or running sores or damaged testicles.

This passage, taken in context, is about ritual purity or impurity. However, for me, at times when my sense of worth has been challenged, it has the power to rear its head as a judge and jury: I am not enough. I couldn’t be. My body does not measure up and because my body doesn’t, neither does the rest of me. You might read this and feel like my exegesis is off (it probably is) and that I’m being overly-dramatic (I very well may be) but feelings and deeply-internalised thoughts can be heavily consequential and hard to shift or shake off.

A combination of the glorious fulfilment of the law by Jesus and the belated flourishing of institutional common sense has made it possible for a slightly more representative selection of the Body of Christ to be considered suitable for ordination and leadership in his Church. I found it instructive, however, that it was in the moment and aftermath of reduced functionality that my sense of priestly identity, something which I think I know can only be imbued by God, was challenged, by me, in my own head. Have I, have we, in rightly emphasising the importance of honouring God in calling, training, equipping and sending leaders, misplaced our sense of balance? I would argue I certainly have, perhaps you have too.

We all know that the weaker (in whichever sense we are denoting weakness, certainly impairment does not equate to weakness in all cases) parts of the body are to be given the greatest honour. We know, too, that the greatest, and arguably most powerful acts of Jesus came in his weakest moments. In submitting to suffering, in emptying himself of all but instead of imposing his will and his way on all people, so that those very same people could have eternal life, life to the full, access to the grace and peace of God. Our God was not in human terms physically, mentally or emotionally, at his strongest when he was at his most efficacious.

And yet, as I writhed on the floor in agony, it was my ability to prove myself effective in the future, immediate and long term, as a minister that I most worried about. To put it bluntly, if this situation didn’t improve, or change, I wouldn’t be able to do my job. Rightly or wrongly, probably wrongly, this was my instinctive reaction, one that I had to fight against in the moments of uncertainty that followed for me in the proceeding days. I don’t believe that anything or anyone but God can give a person what is necessary for them to be a priest. Neither could anyone but God truly revoke that calling and identifying. 

The diocese in which I live and minister, Peterborough Diocese in the Church of England, has been fantastic for me as I explored a calling to ministry, had that calling affirmed, trained and now am completing the second year of my curacy. At most stages along the way, my impairment has been a ‘live’ issue. Both the diocese and I have had to work together on finding approaches to life and ministry that are appropriate and effective for me. I want to say here that I greatly appreciate the care, support and incisive challenges that have been given to me by my Bishops, my Archdeacon and other senior staff in the Diocese and wish to honour that. I had, and have, at least as much to learn about the ways in which I can live as a priest as ‘the Diocese’ in this regard. Similarly, my Training Incumbent, Margaret Johnson, truly has enabled me to flourish during the two years I have worked with her. I am incredibly grateful for that. These might seem like unnecessary things to say in a piece like this, but I think they’re important. Many people and institutions have collaborated to ensure that I have become able to live and work out the calling that God gave me. I know other people with impairments and disabilities have had good experiences in this regard, whilst for others similar processes have been hugely painful. There is, though, hope.

Our Churches benefit hugely from being ministered to by people who run the full gamut of the wondrous glory of God’s creation. Some of these ministers will be all-action, placed in physically and emotionally demanding situations and circumstances. Some will be able to offer less physically. Still others will offer a level of academic rigour in their dealings with Scripture and theology that will be far and above that offered by other ministers. There is not a minister of the gospel who does not, in offering to serve God and his people, find themselves in the position of needing to sacrifice, to suffer for the outworking of their calling, whichever element of themselves, their lives, or the lives of those they love might be squeezed for the sake of the Church. Ministry, like the Christian life, looks subtly different each time it is gifted by God to a person. Therefore, there is not one ‘successful’ approach to Christian ministry, there are, in effect, as many as there are ministers. Some need to be catalysts, some pragmatists, some spend more time listening, some tearing down the walls of unjust structures, physically. What do all have in common? They shine the light of Christ into the world, as sacramental presences, drawing communities of worship and praise around the divine, communities that are then sent out to act justly, love mercy and walk humbly with God. An effective ministry is not a busy ministry per se. As Eugene Peterson (who always says things that I wish I’d thought of first) says, the busy pastor is the lazy pastor. A good point for reflection, that.

An effective ministry is one that points people to Jesus and his glory. People with impairments and disabilities, temporary and permanent, have at least as much to offer in this as those unfortunate enough to think that they are in no way impaired. Indeed, I, as an impaired person, have a crucial role to play in this. Without us, the ministry of the Church is limited, deficient. With us it is more fully equipped to minister to the world in all its breadth. Those of us involved in this event know this. Pointing out to the Christian world and the world at large that fullness of life, abundance, grace and mercy, as well as brokenness and blessing can come in many shapes and forms is an urgent prophetic mandate in our day. If that means that the functional demands made of priests and ministers have to change or be more readily flexible in some instances, as time goes on, a wider and wider spectrum of the Church is, happily, coming to this realisation too. then so be it.

God identifies us as his children, reconciled to himself in and through Jesus. that word will not be unspoken. I wonder how many people God calls to ordination for whom his word of affirmation and invitation is never heard because our expectations and requirements do not permit it. For the Church holy, catholic and apostolic truly to be living fully, we have to continually be open to expecting the unexpected from God, for him to breathe life where there were only dry bones, for the wind of the Spirit to blow in unforeseen, unlikely places. On that bathroom floor, it felt once more, and all the more, unlikely that I had what it takes to be a leader in Christ’s Church. Yet here I am, when I am in pain and when I am not; when everything is working and when it is not, privileged and blessed to be such a leader, learning and growing all the time. I pray that we would be open across the breadth of the Church, to affirming the calling to Church leadership of more people who may look at first glance like unlikely ministers, but on whom the Spirit rests. Then we may, writhing on the bathroom floor in weakness, or rejoicing in the strength that only the joy of the Lord can bring (or whatever the opposite of writhing on a bathroom floor is), truly be living fully.